What to do when you’re always Tired
Know this: You’re in Good Company
You know the drill. You’re going about your day and folks here and there ask you how you are. It may be the guy at the corner store or your co-worker or maybe even a friend, either way you say you’re fine because that’s the social expectation, and you keep it moving. But really, the first thing that comes to mind is: “I’m so tired.” And it’s so true.
Whether it’s the exhaustion that makes you pass out as soon as your head hits the pillow or the low grade blah that keeps you from ever really waking up during the day, fatigue is one of the most common concerns I hear about when women walk through my virtual office door.
Reader, can you relate? If you do let me say right now that fatigue is not a character flaw. Nor is it a sign of laziness or an inevitable state of being. There are SO many reasons to feel tired in our hustle culture.
We’ll get more into those reasons below, but before we dive in, please know this blog post won’t present a quick fix to fatigue. It’s not possible. What I am hoping to do here is broaden the conversation so we can begin to dig into the root causes of the lethargy that interfere with so many of us showing up fully in the world and brainstorm some ideas to address it.
Okay, here we go ….
So, why are women so prone to chronic exhaustion?
I’m about to state the obvious, so bare with me: Chronic exhaustion in women is complicated. Our energy levels are influenced by mental health, physical health, our environments, hormonal fluctuations, stress, and lifestyle factors like nutrition, sleep and feelings of purpose and connection. There’s also the disproportionate amount of emotional labor women provide, rarely discussed. There’s a lot to consider.
But one thing I’ve noticed in my work is that often “tired” can become a catchall term for just feeling crappy. I hear it from both grown women and the teen girls I work with. And as a therapist, I love for us to get curious about what’s really going on behind the word “tired.”
Asking the Right Questions
It follows if you want answers, you’ve got to ask the right question. Below are a set of questions and corresponding actions I like to recommend to folks who are beginning to explore more deeply their feeling states and needs.
First though, I want to emphasize if you do experience fatigue chronically, I recommend working with a doctor or medical provider you trust to rule out physiological causes sometimes there are reasons as simple as vitamin deficiencies that impact mood and energy. Once imbalances have been ruled out or in we can explore more deeply other possible reasons for fatigue.
Questions for Self-Inquiry
When you notice you’re feeling tired pause and check in with your all parts of yourself - your body, mind and emotional self. What’s the dominant feeling? What’s the dominant need? Here’s what I mean …
Possible question: Are you physically tired? Did you get enough sleep last night. Possible Need: Sleep, rest, meditation.
Possible question: Are you mentally tired? Have you been sitting still all day? Have you been scrolling too much? Possible Need: Maybe you need to get up and go for a walk to get your energy moving?
Possible question: Are you feeling brain fog or having difficulty concentrating? Have you eaten nourishing food? Hydrated? Possible Need: Food or water or movement. Or maybe all of them?
Possible question: Are you feeling sad? Often times energy decreases and folks shut down when they are feeling sad or lonely. Possible Need: If this is the case, do you need to reach out to a friend or family member for connection or maybe you need to snuggle with your cat? That’s an intervention I’m always behind!
Possible question: Are you bored? Possible Need: If you are bored where can you find inspiration in the moment? Can you listen to a song or podcast that inspires? Or maybe step outside to observe the world around you?
Possible question: Are you emotionally tired? This is a common one that often goes unrealized and one of the more tricky questions for women who give a lot. Possible Need: Do I need to set different boundaries? What can I cancel or say “no” to? What do I need to recharge?
Reaching out for Support - Counseling Throughout California
Please note, if you are someone who has trouble accessing their emotions - and a lot of people do, or you feel overwhelmed in your experience you don’t have to go through it alone. Please don’t hesitate to reach out to me or another psychotherapist who can help guide you in this process.
Till next time, Wishing you peace & ease,
Jessika
Support for women’s healing, growth + Wellness in San Diego, California
A little about me …
Hi, my name is Jessika Fruchter LMFT and I’m a feminist psychotherapist, expressive arts therapist and writer based in San Diego, California. I provide online psychotherapy for women and teen girls throughout the state who are navigating trauma, anxiety and reproductive mental health concerns like perimenopause and PMDD.
I believe personal healing is a revolutionary act. I say it often. And in these (continued) turbulent times, I believe it now more than ever.
If you think Feminist Therapy might be right for you, I’m here to support. Here are a couple of steps to move forward …
Schedule a free initial consultation here
Of if you have questions … Let's chat.I’m happy to answer any questions you have.
Also please know there are directories where you may seek out other feminist therapists in your area. Inclusive Therapist and Therapy Den are two great places to start.
